Like any parent, when you think something is wrong with your child you want to know exactly what it is immediately, even if you are terrified of the results. However, as mentioned in my previous blog, How I knew My Child Was Special Needs, it’s not always easy to figure out the correct diagnosis. Sometimes you have to figure out what it’s not, before you figure out what it actually is. Then once you get it, how do you cope? Get the help that is needed?
In the early stages of Addy’s journey (3 months to 3 years), I was often told that she would mature out of it. That every kid is different (which they are) and she would get there on her own time. Why did I need a diagnosis? Was it more for me than her? That this was about Addy’s journey not mine.
This is going to be hard to write, but looking back I can say I wanted the diagnosis for me. I wanted to know what was wrong so I could face it myself, then help her as best I could. Right, wrong or indifferent, that was what I felt at the time. Perhaps, the fear of having a special needs child, a spectrum child consumed me because I didn’t want her to be different. I didn’t want her to struggle, but we all struggle in different ways. I struggle with things not being perfect. What maybe perfect in my eyes is definitely not perfect to someone else – perfect doesn’t exist.
Getting the diagnosis was hard on so many levels. First, getting the right diagnosis took years! This is not the case for everyone, but it was in Addy’s case. Research (click here for full article) shows that early diagnosis of and interventions for autism are more likely to have major long-term positive effects on symptoms and later skills. Second, the sooner I was able to get the diagnosis I was able to accept it and realize it’s not my journey, its hers. I’m just here for the amazing ride! Third, but certainly not least, none of her diagnoses define her, nor limit her. Just like all kids, there is no playbook. No guarantee on outcome, progress or ability, but there is always hope and belief. Knowing what you are up against, is the first step.
All special needs children are unique regardless of whether they share a diagnosis. However, in getting the diagnosis we are able to treat Addy’s needs effectively and efficiently. Addy’s intense therapy schedule works for her and gets her the treatment she needs to progress on her own time-line. This is a very important lesson I have learned along the way. Progress comes on their own time table, not ours or anyone else’s.
Looking back, I wish I could tell my old self to stay the course no matter what the diagnosis, as it will all be ok. That this is her journey not mine. That therapy is paying off for her and our entire family. Her diagnosis doesn’t define her or me. That Addy has taught us more about life than any of us could’ve imagined.
Much love,
Raising Addy
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