Life is all about decisions. Some good and some bad. When raising children, you hope and pray (if that’s your thing) all your decisions are right for them. In the case of Addy however, decisions can be debilitating because her journey is so much more complicated.
You might think, why is it so debilitating with Addy and not the other two? Or haven’t you experienced tough times outside of Addy? As for the first question, when raising neurotypical children there are guides, almost rules to follow. Neurotypical children can voice what’s working and what’s not whereas that’s not always the case with a nondivergent child. As for the second question, yes, I have faced hardship in my life, but the decisions I made were for me, not a child.
When I make decisions related to Addy’s development (e.g., What type of therapy does she need? Is an environment safe for her? Am I realistic on expectations? Am I pushing her too hard? Do I understand where she is coming from? etc.) Unfortunately, the answer is often not readily apparent. On top of that, there are no set expectations/norms to follow, like go to school, get good grades, participate in extracurricular activities, etc.
I try my best to assess Addy’s current skill, maturity, etc. levels and then determine what is the next level she needs to achieve. However, I often struggle with what is the right setting/environment for her to grow and learn in. Then I ask myself how can I adapt or have others adapt to her needs and even should I go that route or put her in environments where she must learn to thrive? If not now, when (if ever) do I set her free to sink or swim in an unaccommodating/natural environment? It’s a never-ending cycle with not much guidance or roadmaps to follow. My decision making has been based on intuition and a mother’s love for her child.
As I blogged last week, I’m often pivoting (click here to read) to figure out what’s working and what’s not. I feel like I make a million decisions for her every day! So, what is the lesson I have learned here. I may not have always made the perfect decision, but I never stop learning/assessing so that I eventually get to the right decision. I have not regretted any decision! My only regret is that I can’t change the world fast enough, so these decisions don’t seem so debilitating for her or me.
Much love,
Raising Addy
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